Category: Personal development

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Under min gymnasietid så brottades jag ganska mycket med svartsjuka och andra liknande känslor.

En dag när jag var pÃ¥ Kafé K2 i Visby sÃ¥ läste jag en tidskrift, ‘Interacting Arts’. I den sÃ¥ fanns där en artikel om kärleksrelationen mekanismer. Den var välskriven, vackert illustrerad och jag kände igen mig i de situationer som författaren beskrev. Senare samma dag sÃ¥ gick jag in pÃ¥ bloggen som det hade hänvisats till i artikeln, Dr Andie.

Idén som artikeln och bloggen beskrev som en lösning kallades för relationsanarki.

Så här sammanfattas relationsanarki i en broschyr som finns att ladda hem från andie.se:

“Relationsanarki ifrÃ¥gasätter idén att kärlek är en särskild, begränsad känsla som för att vara äkta bara kan finnas mellan tvÃ¥ personer i taget.
Sprid kärleken! Du kan älska mÃ¥nga människor och din relation till var och en av dem förminskar inte dina relationer till de andra. Värdera och jämför inte varandra – uppskatta varandra! Ingen behöver lyftas fram som partner för att relationen ska finnas till pÃ¥ riktigt. Varje relation är sin egen, ett möte mellan människor som stÃ¥r pÃ¥ egna ben.”

Ett utav problemen som relationsanarkisterna har identifierat är att exklusiviteten som är vanligt förekommande inom par skapar en perfekt grogrund för svartsjuka och andra destruktiva tankemönster. Idén med relationsanarki är att man genom att tänka på intima relationer precis som man tänker på en vanliga relationer kommer runt problematiken som kan uppstå.

En förlängning pÃ¥ denna tanke blir att man inte ger sina vänner exklusiva rättigheter, och därmed upphör tvÃ¥samhetens piedistaltänkande. Med piedistaltänkande sÃ¥ menar man idén om att man sätter en person pÃ¥ ett piedistal, och att man när som helst kan “göra slut” och att man dÃ¥ förlorar sin plats pÃ¥ piedistalen.

De tekniker och tips som erbjuds kan sammanfattas ungefär såhär:

  • Kravlöshet
  • Definiera dina egna gränser
  • Spontanitet istället för plikt
  • Tillit är bättre än misstänksamhet
  • Fake it until you make it
  • Känn vad som helst, men tolka inte känslorna som krav
  • Kommunicera

Det fina med dessa tips, riktlinjer och tekniker är att de fungerar oavsett hur du vill organisera dina relationer. De är användbara i alla fall och för alla sorter. Det är lite som en sandlÃ¥da: “Börja här”. Om man utgÃ¥r frÃ¥n dessa idéer när man bygger sina relationer sÃ¥ blir det enklare att definiera sina egna överenskommelser istället för att tvärtom, utgÃ¥ ifrÃ¥n (det som Dr Andie klockrent namngivit) Normoraklet. Detta Normorakel definieras utav filmer, böcker, teatrar, föräldrar, kompisar och sist men inte minst tidningar, sÃ¥som Cosmopolitan, Café och Vecko-Revyn. NÃ¥gra klassiska exempel pÃ¥ rutinmässiga artiklar som dessa tidningar kör:

  • “Hur du vet att hon är otrogen”
  • “10 tecken pÃ¥ att relationen är utdöende”

Problemet med de här tidningarna är att de oftast skriver rent skit, bokstavligt talat. Den lägsta sortens dynga, kort och gott. De fostrar unga människor till att bli kommunikationshandikappade och istället för att prata med varandra (som ju vore en bra grej) så förväntas tidningarna (eller kompisarna som också har bra koll på ovanstående medier) kunna svara på alla frågor om varför ens partner, kompis eller föräldrar beter sig på ett visst sätt. Detta är (som sagt) ren idioti!

Tillbaka till de coola teknikerna!

Jag applicerade de tekniker som finns att läsa på Dr Andie på mina relationer, och ville under två år inte gå in i en klassisk, exklusiv tvåsamhet. Svartsjukeproblemen försvann (jag kom närmare mig själv), och det var nog det viktigaste för mig.

De tankar som Dr Andie och de andra som pratar om de här delar med sig utav är användbara för alla, i alla olika relationsformer. En utav de saker som har hjälpt mig mest är utgÃ¥ngspunkten att man hela tiden pratar. Samtalet skall vara det centrala i alla relationer. Detta för att undvika den där sköna frasen: “Du, vi mÃ¥ste prata.”. Kommunikation är centralt för allt samarbete!

Denna, nästan brutala, ärlighet har varit en stor lärdom för mig och det har underlättat i många situationer och i alla relationer. Prata om det!

Så ett stort tack till Andie, (som kallas för Dr Andie) som delar med sig av sina tankar, och till andra alla som också gör det!

Kolla in Dr Andie om ni vill ta del utav materialet som jag hänvisar till.

Idag är jag tillbaka i en parrelation. Vi använder många utav de tekniker och värderingar som det talas om på Dr Andie som utgångspunkt i relationen. Anledningen till varför jag nu vill ingå i en parrelation är jag upptäckte att det inte är exkluderande och/eller destruktivt för mig, utan istället stärkande och härligt. Det handlar inte om sex, utan om någonting annat.Jag vet inte riktigt vad än, men det finns där och det är lite klurigt att peka ut vad det är.

När försökte du definiera kärlek senast? Vart kommer din bild utav kärleken ifrån? Fortsätt prata om det!

Ã…terkommer när jag vet mer 😉 !

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Morning
During my morning, I got hooked by this airplane painted cross on an otherwise clear sky.

Today I’ve been going through Django’s tutorials, and I’ve set up my local environment.
To me, it is a pretty steep learning curve just to fully understand all of the stuff that I’m learning through the tutorials.

After the tutorials I installed support for OpenID, using django_openidconsumer. Problem was, that it didn’t work as expected. After I searched a while, I recognized that it used maxlength instead of max_lenght. Then I read the discussions on django_openidconsumer, and of course, someone had already posted a patch to fix it. Sweet 🙂

Tomorrow I’m heading towards Gotland together with Sanna. I’m looking forward to it, but I probably won’t be able to work upon TLW until next Wednesday.

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Today is the day I started developing what right now is called TLW, which stands for the Lagom model.

Loosely based upon the Swedish model, and “Lagom”, which means “Enough is as good as a feast”, this is an attempt to make it easier to show your gratitude towards the musicians (and later movie makers and game creators) who we all love. It’s all about contributing in order to support further creations.

Today means that I will work from home every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday during a limited time.
Technically speaking, I will build TLW using the Django framework (for order), together with a sprinkle of jQuery (for magic matters, that is). As my web hosts, I’ve chosen to work with Webfaction which offer good and reliable support for Django.

In order to setup a temporary office, I’ve bought a keyboard and a mouse.
This is how it looked yesterday:

Before

And this is how it looks today:

After 2

After

Todays workload consisted mostly of setting up a proper development environment, such as installing django, postgresql and django_openidconsumer and writing a proper business plan. Tomorrow I will focus more on pure development.

And for all of you who cares: as my OS I use Ubuntu 8.10, Geany as my editor and I run Ubuntu with compiz on normal, just to make up for my now, slow machine (1st gen Dell XPS M1330).

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Before I started working in an office, I exercised martial arts three times a week. But then, after I started my new job at the office, I lacked the motivation and the time.

About four weeks ago, I started exercising 15 – 20 min morning before having breakfast.
Usually I wake up at 06:15, then I cuddle a bit with Sanna, gets dressed, drinks a moutful of water and then gets outside for a 3-min jog to get the morning newspapers.
After that I start exercising, by using my own body weight as resistance.
Push-ups, sit-ups, dips, squats, back lifts and other well known exercises.

It’s totally worth it! Instead of feeling drowsy and weak, I feel energized and alert.
Exercising is proved to have a very positive effect on your life and overall well-being.

It’s not for nothing that HealthyOntario.com states:

”Physical activity is a key factor in the health and quality of life for Canadians of all ages. It is essential for healthy growth and development in childhood: it develops a strong, healthy heart; muscular strength and flexibility, and bone density. It also contributes to maintaining healthy weight, building positive self-esteem, and setting healthy habits for life.
In adults, regular physical activity provides almost limitless benefits, including:

  • maintenance of healthy weight
  • reduced stress levels
  • relieved symptoms of depression and anxiety
  • increased energy
  • improved sleep and digestion
  • improved posture and balance
  • stronger muscles and bones
  • more confidence and a more positive outlook on life
  • ability to perform daily tasks with more ease and less fatigue
  • increased bone density
  • better circulation
  • strengthened heart and lungs
  • improved mood
  • strengthened immune system
  • prolonged good health and independence in seniors
  • better quality of life.

Regular physical activity also reduces the risk of premature death from heart disease, stroke and certain types of cancer; reduces the risk of developing high blood pressure; and lowers total blood cholesterol and triglycerides and increases high density lipoproteins (HDL or the “good” cholesterol).”

Every little step counts, each minute is an investment. Place it wisely, and have fun while doing it.
Also, if you exercise regularly you’ll find it much easier to keep your eating habits healthy. It’s just like when you were a kid and you’d just built your first sand castle.
The coolest part about exercising early is that you then have the hardest part of the day behind you. If you organize the rest of your day in a similar fashion, it is quite easy to keep yourself motivated and disciplined. That’s the way I like it, what works for you?

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Two years ago I decided that I wanted to work as a web something. I didn’t really know if design, code, client care or entrepreneurship was my cup of tea. I really had no idea.

The reason for my interest came from the fact that I was unemployed and had just moved to Stockholm. Most of my day went to working on my CV, and handling those out to different stores where I wanted to work. I didn’t get any. “Come back around Christmas time” they said. And so I did.

But somewhere in between I went to a party, where I overheard some guy asking another guy if he had any space in his very busy schedule. The other guy worked as a freelance web developer. “No” he replied. I took a shot. Accidentally, one of the only things that I had liked about school was when I had been working with HTML and found out about those web standards. I was attracted to the fact that they were striving towards an accessible web. “I’ve got some experience with web development” I said to the guy. He answered: “Perfect! Give me your hand.” I reached for him, and then he wrote a telephone number in my palm.

After that, and now with a client who wanted me to do work for him, I began to understand that this would require me to start my own company. My new life in Stockholm was forming, just a few month after graduation in Klintehamn and I had just turned myself as unemployed into a freelance web developer (or at that time, HTML markup-er, heh) together with tech wizz kid Petter.

The next week, I started listening to podcasts about entrepreneurship, web development and I … took lessons in spanish (Pimsleur). I read up on A list apart, 456bereastreet.com, robertnyman.com, adactio.com, accessify.com, andybudd.com, Veerle’s blog, Information Architects, Molly.com and of course StevePavlina.com. A big thank you to all of those who openly shares their discoveries, techniques, thoughts and philosophies!

I bought “CSS Mastery”, written by Andy Budd. It was great. I finally grasped floats, and how to make different menus. Wonderful 🙂 ! Now I could take on my first client. I charged him 4000 SEK (around 410 €) for a complete website and a full index of pictures, taken by my partner Petter. It took me two weeks to complete that website, and in the end we didn’t even get paid as the client didn’t like the design. We quit working with that particular client, and learned after a while to handle pricing, pitching, support and office hours better. That was the hardest part of the work, no doubt about it.

After a few more clients, and a few more cases, I saw an advertisement over at webbjobb.nu, which is a web niched job and gig board in swedish. I sent them an e-mail showing off my/our work and asked them to get back to me. They did, and after a really bumpy start, it all settled to be really good. I learned a lot during those first weeks, and still do. The reason as to why I wanted to get employed was that I didn’t know that much about managing, pitching, sales, money or even back end work. Now I had an opportunity to learn all that. Now, after a year at my current employment I still think that it was a good choice, I’ve learned so much from all of the brilliant people that I’ve had the opportunity to work with, almost only that makes it worth in itself.

Now, in order to stay alert and fresh I read a lot of articles, try out new methods and techniques and do my best to document the results. Most of the time, it’s a blast!

The following month (November) I will work less over at my current workplace in order to get time to work on one of my own projects, which is loosely called The Lagom Model. I’ll document the process either here, or on a separate blog which will be announced later.

I love my career at the moment and the craft. I love the internet, and the possibilities that the medium possess.